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June 28, 2005

On the Job
geekage, life

Programming at a regular, firmly scheduled job is quite strange. For the first time ever, It becomes clear how much time each and every little computery task actually takes, as the daily schedule of start work, eat lunch, and stop work punctuates the programming. Projects and individual tasks which I'd before have said would be quick to complete drag out, taking up what, in the context of the not-so-comfortable office as opposed to that of the easy chair, turn out to be long hours, not to short ones which fly out the window while one's too distracted to notice one's hunger.

Doing a website (or starting to do so) for community service also had this effect; faced with the requirement of logging my hours so that I could get credit for them, the quick tasks which I completed on the website started to fill up the requirement remarkably quickly (although I eventually ended up doing data entry at Habitat for Humanity instead)

Inhabiting a real life workplace also has a few advantages though. Social interaction, as grand as it can be online, seems more fulfilling in person, and the chance to interact with interesting but previously unknown people is greater in real life. Today there was a general summer student meeting which I quite enjoyed, as about half of it was given to socialization, pleasing my starving mind greatly. Unfortunately, my mind is still too lazy to reach out for food through the internet or other lines of communication, but talking with other sharpies helped to ease it's pain. In addition, the ice cream available in real life must be taken into account; most people don't have soft serve machines in their homes.

Writing's coming a bit stiffly today; the words aren't flowing out of my fingertips, but, rather, they're being whipped out by a brain demanding that laziness submit to the forces of happiness. Except said brain isn't as energetic as that sentence makes it out to be. This stiffness seems to derive from the fact that happiness itself is in something of a short supply here, and as such it's sheer mass alone isn't enough to drive out the words and make my fingers eager to type.

I'm not unhappy though. It's just that work (if I have the right to call it that) doesn't supply enough happiness on it's own to keep my engines in prime condition, and the aforementioned laziness is preventing me from seeking out supplements of the magically drug-like combination of music and socialization which I desire. That, and I don't get enough sleep during the week. At any rate, here I depart, leaving wishes that your sleep is undisturbed and full of delightfully interesting dream.

Posted by Trevor Savage at 8:52 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2005

Once More on the Path to Nirvana

Hello, oh great blog! It's been far too long since my last post, I know. And I have none to blame but myself. At first I had the excuse that not much was happening, and even if I had written about not much happening I'd have been largely repeating what I'd already said in previous entries. After a week or two, however, some small quantities of things did happen, and after another week, well... The only explanation I can offer up is that, if anyone can provide a guillotine, I'd be more than willing to conduct a public execution of my laziness. I'm sure I'd miss it, but despite all of it's good effects it can be rather painful when it prevents you from doing things you want to do.

But now, it's time to dance. Unfortunately, as far as I know, there isn't any opportunity to do this in real life, so I'll have to turn to the dance of words, and feed my excess energies after that to dancing in the privacy of my living room.

I'd hoped that my internship-thingie at NASA would put the pressure on me and make me dance a more productive dance, but, by no fault of it's own I'm rather enjoying it it hasn't. The main reason for this, I suppose, is that I only have 3 hours or so of time after work to do whatever I want to do, and, in this short time, I don't really get past the "relax and game" stage. It has, however, kept me from entirely wasting away through doing much of nothing, with the side effect of making me a bit pressed to do much of anything, outside of work hours. And the productivity that can be obtained while at NASA is, itself, satisfying, so perhaps it has indeed created a proper ratio of productivity and pleasure.

Now, though, during my glorious weekend, with Wurm flowing through my veins, music flowing through my head, and the dance driving itself out of my fingertips and through my keyboard, things feel quite fine. All I need to do now to regain my footing is to reopen channels of socialization and seek out such holy activities as might bring on nirvana; namely, dancing and, to a lesser degree, throwing frisbees. Mayst thou have luck in seeking out thine own nirvana!

Posted by Trevor Savage at 11:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 8, 2005

A Lazy Mind Seeks Happiness

I'm in a very strange mood, now that I'm lacking the structure and stimuli that school provided. My only desire seems to be for fantasy, either in the form of MMORPGs or dreams, and yet I long for the more human emotions and interactions that I desired and enjoyed during school.

In addition to turning to fantasy, my mind seems to have turned away from creativity; it desires to immerse itself in games and private dreams which are unable to express themselves to others, thusly eliminating any chance at productivity while pursuing fantasy.

The main reason for this odd turn of my mind seems to be that it's treating summer like a big, long weekend; during the weekend, all I usually do is relax and enjoy whatever happiness flies my way. As the days drag on, though, it seems that my mind, unaccustomed to such long weekends and lacking any stress which might force it to merely relax and socialize, demands that I seem out new avenues of happiness.

And thus, it seems that stress falls upon me from my lack of stress. Without the pressure of school to influence my mind, it can only find an outlet in the continual pursuit of baser happinesses. The obvious answer seems to be to find new stresses, while also adapting my mind to function better in the lack of it. Stress can be obtained in the form of such mind-exercising pursuits as writing and reading the news, while adaptation can be encouraged by forcing myself to be social, with music's influence surely helping along the way. Fantasy can be good, but when adored to the exclusion of all else it can be as unhealthy as any obsession.

Posted by Trevor Savage at 3:19 PM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2005

Emotion without Substance
life, poetry

a mind, knowing so much more than had before brushed it's door,
still longs for lore.
the mysteries of the world, distilled into but one word,
leave understanding furled.
the longing mind aches to unroll the exotic scroll, but it's clumsy claws
can not reach the goal.

feelings sought for as if lost,
longed for but never crossed.
for if they are found, they are not known,
and their identity lurks in the regions unshown.

but the mind does know that regardless of the world about,
and all that which it does desire to find out,
the top of the world has been scouted
and can be climbed again if it's location be doubted.

from the union of music and friends,
self-expression and happiness do themselves vend.
by the power of dance, all will mend,
and all will comprehend that which the mind wishes to pen.
[/NULL] My feelings recently, as reflected by a preponderance of poetry, have been mostly about emotions, not about things or events. This seems to follow the direction of the last week or so away from interactions and gatherings. Without crew, and with school drawing to a close, things are slowing down and my interaction is limited. My mind, recently awoken to interaction in the first place, cries out, and it is for this reason that I greet the beginning of summer with mixed feelings. It's nice, I suppose, to not have to worry about the studies any more, however I quite worry about how often I'll see the beloved crewbies. Yumilicious gatherings will surely supplant the biweekly or so crew practices, but I worry as to how frequent these gatherings will actually be. And, in addition, I worry about having an opportunity to dance. Dancing feels like the one way in which I can truly be Trevor, and express myself with wild abandon without caring about anything except the moment, the dancing, and friends. And yet, baring perhaps music-tinged gatherings, I know of no opportunity this summer at which I might dance. There's the possibility that someone on this seemingly dance forsaken peninsula will host a dance, but I don't like to bank my sanity on it, as I'm being forced to do. And even if such an event does come up, I might be hard pressed to find anyone to join me in venturing to such a locale where I'd be largely admist people who I don't know. And so I deal with the present, studying for exams, and look to the future, hoping that my schedule will be filled with friendly happiness and euphoria which resonates with the music. I feel feeble to affect this future, and yet if I do not, it will surely not live up to my desires, so I must try to affect it as I can.

Posted by Trevor Savage at 9:58 PM | Comments (0)