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October 14, 2006

The Future and the Past
'philosophy', life

So I'm home from college for the weekend, trying to think of something relatively productive to do before I crash in bed for the night... And I realize I have the inspiration for a blog entry. For the first time in weeks, if not months. I finally have a large block of time during which my thoughts are free to roam the world over.

The first thought which wakes up my mind is a longing for my dorm room; sure, it's nice to be “home” and everything, but I miss having my computer right next to my bed right next to my bathroom right next to my kitchen right next to my study area right next to a boatload of my lovely friends. There's a certain economy that this arrangement requires which in turn makes it easier to focus on economizing your time in this world, as opposed to the environment which the heavily memory-laden “home” forces on you.

It's not that these memories are sad. They're happy memories, memories of opening boxes of Legos for Christmas and playing with them with my Dad, memories of long, wonderful summer nights spent doing nothing but coding, gaming, and living in the world of the Internet, memories of getting home late after a night of socialization at a friend's house... And yet, each of these memories evokes a deep sadness.

All these memories are decidedly from the past; more so than the memories I have of hanging out with people at William and Mary just last week, these memories' time has come and gone. Especially those which are further in the past. Never again will I get to open Legos with my parents, never again will I spend late nights in a world where nothing at all matters except the next line of code, the next instant message, and the next level in Diablo II. And, while I wouldn't really want to return to any of these worlds, at least not for too long, I mourn the fact that they are utterly lost to me.

My dorm room shows me the possibilities of the now and of the future; the people I can walk out my door and make friends with, the careers I can prepare for and jump into. But my house, my house reminds me of the past and the possibilities which are now closed off to me. And I know that if I forget these things, I will lose a large part of myself. Yet they are so difficult to hold on to; they reside only in memory, and with each day they grow fainter. But I must never forget what has passed, and most of all, I must never forget how wonderful the people with whom I share these memories really are, despite any flaws they may harbor.

Posted by Trevor Savage at 12:35 AM | Comments (1)